A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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