did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
