The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
