you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
