Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
