Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I got chris browned last night
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
