he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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