When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's always time for handjobs
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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