To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
