My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
