there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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