Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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