I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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