I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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