I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
