Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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