when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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