I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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