My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
