We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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