my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
