Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
