YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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