C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
