So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
