Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
