I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
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