So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
