Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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