Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize