Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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