Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
