If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
