Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
