he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
