how can u be prego again
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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