You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
