u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
