Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
