Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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