my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
