He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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