I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
