Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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