I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
