i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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