Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
