Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
