It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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