omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
