Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize