Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
