I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
