i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
