Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
