So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
