Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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