Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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