oh god the rape fog is back!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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