He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
