Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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