Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
