It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
