May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
