But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
