never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
