plz talk dirty to me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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