Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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