Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize