it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
