Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
