i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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