i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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