I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
