Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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