i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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