Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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