I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
