Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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