i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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