Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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