Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
