I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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