): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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