It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
