in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
