My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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