Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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