you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
