My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
