I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Bring me that man meat
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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