it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
