im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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