Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I am spending my child support on dildos
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm always down for nudity.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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