Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
