My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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