i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
